Slip Slidin Away

Note: Read "Legends of My Falls," "One Flew Over the Basement Stairs," "Snow White Falling on Cedar," "Down, Down and Away," "The Accidental Tourist," "The Latte Show," "Up the Downed Suitcase," "Hawaii K-O," "Things That Go Bump in the Night," "Pop Goes the Damsel" and "Not-So-Secret Garden" before reading this post.

It is as if every fall I had ever taken served as a rehearsal for 'The Big One.' I don't think it's too unusual for someone to suffer a fall in the bathtub. I know Cool has done it. The fact that I wasn't even bathing makes my story a little more unusual. It was my fastidiousness that did me in. I should have left those tiny black dots on the bottom of my large oval garden tub, but a split second decision to go for perfection led to a perfectly dreadful body slam. My body has never been the same.

It was a hot summer day, and I had been working hard cleaning our two-story house. The last thing on my agenda was to clean the master bathroom. I decided to give the shower a thorough scrubbing, top to bottom, so that included getting down on the floor and scrubbing the shower stall floor with Scrubbing Bubbles. At this point in time, four years ago, I could still get up off the floor by myself. When I did, I got back in the shower and cleaned all the glass walls with the shower running. I didn't step out until the shower was absolutely as good as it was going to get.

I exited the shower and headed for the sink in the large vanity. On the way I passed by my garden tub and got a quick glance at these tiny little black spots on the bottom. I just couldn't let that go. Without thinking, I quickly lifted my left leg and planted my left foot in the tub. I was planning to reach down with my Scrubbing Bubbles-soaked sponge to blot out the tiny black dots. Instead, in the blink of an eye, my left foot, which was obviously also Scrubbing Bubbles-soaked on the bottom, slipped and slid clear across the width of my oversized tub. This action made my right knee slam hard against the outside of the tub, at which time my body was catapulted forward with incredible force. My chest was slammed into the arc of the silver water faucet. I cried out in pain, and I continued to cry until I remembered that no one was there to hear me. Did I mention I was naked? I am SO GLAD no one was there to hear me!

As I straddled the side of my tub, I took stock of the situation. I wiggled my toes--no paralysis. I pictured what I must look like from any angle--good sign, my sense of humor was intact. How I got myself off the side of the tub could have consequences, so I thought things through and did it in an orderly fashion. The fact that I could do it at all was a blessing. I managed to get dressed and in my recliner before I fully surveyed the damage. Bruises covered my chest and my right knee. My back hurt, but not as much as I would have imagined. Still, this dramatic slip and slide has had a lasting, negative effect on my mobility in the form of sciatica.

The important thing is, while I was in the prone position straddling the side of my tub, before I got up to survey the damage to my aching body, I had the presence of mind to clean up those tiny black dots that caught my attention in the first place.