Massacre at Wounded Knee

Note:  Read "Legends of My Falls," "One Flew Over the Basement Stairs," "Snow White Falling on Cedar," "Down, Down and Away," "The Accidental Tourist," "The Latte Show," "Up the Downed Suitcase," "Hawaii K-O," "Things That Go Bump in the Night," "Pop Goes the Damsel," "Not-So-Secret Garden," "Slip Slidin Away," "Brokeknee Mountain" and "California Texting" before reading this post.

And so I come to the end........my LAST fall!

No, seriously, I'm never going to fall again. I learned my lesson many times over. Now, when I walk across the parking lot at the grocery store, I walk very slowly and deliberately, much like the OLD women I used to observe. I always thought they were lazy, or maybe they were feeling dizzy. I never realized they were afraid of falling because they would surely break something if not just irritate their sciatica even further. Hard to believe I have to walk like all of those women. After all, I'm only 66! Surely they were all 99.

I didn't actually save the best for last. I think "Slip Slidin Away" was my best fall, if you define 'best' as most damaging and most embarrassing (although I didn't have to be embarrassed because I was alone, but you could describe the event as 'bare assed' if you so chose). Still, this last fall, which was this last winter, is worthy of its own place of honor because it was really stupid. Blame it on the fact that it came right after everyone left following our incredible family gathering for Christmas and New Year's. There were 14 of us--16 if you count the two unborn babies--and that included our two grandsons, who were 17 and 14 months old. We had people sleeping on Aerobeds, a futon, a settee, a crib, a Pack & Play, not to mention beds, and people were in and out. Obviously, it was a lot of work for me, and I was tired. Keep that in mind when you consider my big mistake.

I love decorating for Christmas. Undecorating is another story. I have nine large bins for storing all of my Christmas decorations. Taking down our 8 foot tree is quite a chore, same with the outside lights. Once I got things back in the nine bins, I carried them upstairs without telling my husband, who was back to work. He was tired too, and I didn't want to bother him when he came home from work. I stacked the bins in an upstairs closet like I always did, along with the bins for all the other holidays.

Getting everything back in that closet was not working out. First I pulled the folded up Pack & Play out of one end of it and laid it across the floor not far from the door. Then I got a bright idea. I decided to move some of the bins across the hall to the empty closet in the guest room. I climbed up on a step stool at the other end of the closet and brought down one of the bins to transfer to the other closet. I was extremely careful coming down that step stool with that bin. After all, I absolutely did not want to fall. Once on the floor, I turned and headed for the door with the black-topped bin in front of me. I was a woman on a mission.

How quickly I had forgotten about the Pack & Play on the floor. I tripped hard, and I fell forward while clutching that bin. It all happened so fast, yet I had the presence of mind to determine that since I had hurt my left knee during my fall at Crystal Mountain six months previously, it would be wise to fall on my right knee this time. How smart of me after doing something so dumb.

Several things worked together to break my fall. There was the bin of course--I never let go of it. There was the lamp I knocked off the cabinet by the futon, there was the cabinet I knocked over with great gusto, and there was futon itself. I didn't exactly fall on the soft part, but oh well. I didn't go down to the floor, and that's something to be thankful for because, as you know, I would not have been able to get myself up off the floor. I was alone, so no one had to know how quickly I forgot about the Pack & Play on the floor. I was alone, so I didn't cry out.

People speak of looking for 'balance' in life. Just because one knee is injured, you shouldn't seek 'balance' by injuring your other knee. In fact, having both knees injured severely impacted my balance. What I thought on my way down was a good idea turned out to be a bad idea. So much for thinking on my feet.

It has been six months since the "Massacre at Wounded Knee," and I am glad to report my knees both feel okay. I haven't fallen again. Elletu did, but that is her story to tell. In fact, I'm going to get the BVG's to tell me about their falls. I remember when our kids were all very young Elletu fell off her front porch, and in the past year she fell at home and fell out of her chair at work. I remember when Cool slipped while taking a shower and had to go get stitches right before she was leaving on a trip. And j had a little mishap going down the stairs from her utility room to her garage. We are definitely a stumbling bunch.

Note to the BVG's: NO MORE FALLS! WE ARE TOO OLD FOR THIS! AND THIS TIME I MEAN IT!